Unbearable Hurt

My husband and I raised our granddaughter the first 3 1/2 to 4 years of her life so we have been very close. Our daughter married a man 3 years ago who has tried everything to keep us out of their lives...moving to other areas of the state, threatening to move the family to other states and countries, etc. Even so, our daughter has made sure that we have had a chance to keep up our relationship with our now 7 year old granddaughter and to try to get to know our grandson who just turned 3 last week.

When we went to visit my elderly parents in Idaho before they married, he tried to get a vacation from his job so he could go too. They said no, he went anyway and was fired. He's had over 9 jobs including one at the Pentagon since they started living together. He lost that job because our daughter got bored sitting in Bremerton with our granddaughter by herself where she knew absolutely no one and returned home to stay while he was there working. He walked off the job and caught the first flight home. Of course, he was once again fired. My husband and I were "punished" by not being allowed to see them over Christmas or birthdays that year so that we would learn to let them live as a family. Because they are constantly in financial difficulties and needing to "borrow" money to live on, they moved back to the area to stay in his mother's house in the same town we live in.

From the very beginning of the relationship, our side of the family has disliked this man but tried our very best to get to know him and accept him. It was not easy because we all saw how rough and overly strict he was with our granddaughter. Whenever she WAS allowed to come spend a night, we found her covered with large bruises on her arms and back.

Two years ago, our granddaughter started having nightmares and talking about dying. I thought she meant me because I had been ill. I assured her that I was not dying and gave her a hug and she told me no, Grammy, I don't want to die and go away and leave you and mommy. I was, to say the least, a bit shocked. She was 5 at the time. I asked my daughter if she was getting counselling for her and she said no because their insurance wouldn't cover it. She was, however, aware of the "death" talk and seemed as concerned about it as we were.

A year ago, he once again lost a job with the military at Ft. Lewis and they had to move back here to live in his mother's house. She had recently retired to Palm Springs and was trying to sell the house but it was not selling. We, of course, were secretly elated because it meant time with the grandkids. My parents had also just moved back here from Idaho so it was a chance for them to get to know the grandkids as well. Even so, visits were few and far between and we just kept praying things would get better.

After Christmas, I asked if our granddaughter might spend the night before she had to return to school after New Year's. It was during this visit that our granddaughter confided in me and told me that daddy punished her by "putting her out". I asked what this meant. She showed me by placing her hand over her nose and mouth and made a point of telling me that he put his hand over her nose and mouth so that she couldn't breathe. I called my husband downstairs and had her show him as well. We called our daughter and asked her to come over immediately. When our granddaughter repeated the explanation for our daughter, it was apparent that she either didn't believe her or already knew about it and was upset that our granddaughter had discussed it in front of us. They left shortly afterward and I called the Mental Health Hotline to see if there was some way that we could pay for the counselling this child so obviously needed. I assumed the call was anonymous so I gave our personal info so that they could get back to us. It was Child Protective Services who got back to us. And then the sheriff's department.

Our son in law was given a polygraph and failed miserably from what our daughter told us. The sheriff's dept told us that this was not why they arrested him but because he was not able to keep his story straight and from the investigation that had been done by CPS. Once he had been arrested and his mother bailed him out, our granddaughter came to live with us once again since they could not have contact until after the trial. About 5 days before the trial, he pleaded guilty to a lesser charge of Assault and Battery 4th degree, got no jail time but a hefty fine.

The day after, our daughter came over to our house with the kids and packed up everything that either belonged to her or our granddaughter. When it came time to leave, our granddaughter told our daughter she didn't want to go with her and she wanted to live with us. Not realizing it would be the last time I would ever see her, I told her that she had to go home because her baby brother missed her so much. This was around July 4th.

Our son in law has decided that I am not to have contact with them. Our son, my husband's parents and my husband are welcome to but they have cut me and my parents, who had no idea there was even anything going on, out of their lives. I cry every day. I have to beg my son and husband to go over there and spend time with them for our granddaughter's sake. I have ambivalent feelings about our daughter. I am not sure I could ever forgive her for allowing him to put us through this. And I am very angry that she would not step up to the plate for her own daughter.

They have a school counselor coming to the home now. My husband was invited to one of the sessions and he said that our daughter said that the reason that I was not allowed to see our granddaughter was because our granddaughter no longer trusted me and that I had lied to her. I have no clue what this is about and he told the counselor he didn't know what it was about either. He hasn't been invited back since. The counselor told our daughter that she needed to write out her grievances against me in a letter and that she should give it to my husband. They made arrangements for him to meet them at the bowling alley on Sunday after that session and the point was he was going to take our granddaughter bowling. Our daughter and son in law showed up with the grandson and explained that our granddaughter had a sleepover elsewhere. The letter hadn't been written. My husband has not been invited back since. He was not even invited to our grandson's third birthday party last week.

We cannot afford to take them to court for visitation rights. I feel now that I have no choice but to move on with my life but that is very hard to do right now. It's still too fresh. I regret that I am developing this intense hatred of our daughter as I blame her as much as him.

Last year, my husband and I had paid for ballet lessons for our granddaughter. She was hoping to go back again this year but was afraid daddy would say no. He has not only cut ballet out of her life but us as well.

My Grandkids

I might be a bit biased but I think I have the best grandkids in the world. They are such sweety pies!

I made a couple tags for them from some scrapkits I had snagged but I can't for the life of me find the designer's name. I know they are in a folder on one of my drives but I have searched and searched and can't find it. Soon as I do, I will give her URL and the proper credit she deserves. I had thought I had them in the tags themselves but it's not showing up. If anyone recognizes these kits, please let me know who the designer was.

Thanks for looking,
shadoe


This is Tasha and Dawg. She is in kindergarten now.


And this is Brannon. He will be two the end of August.

The first day...

I have been snagging freebie kits for a couple years now and I figure it's time to do something with them! I love playing with Paintshop Pro and especially Animation Shop. I have quite a few tags made up and maybe I will add a few new ones here.



Thanks for looking,



shadoe